Monday, May 3, 2010

Automatic Bathrooms

       Ah, the convenience that is motion censored bathrooms, from toilets, to sinks, even hand dryers, it's all done for us now. It's not that I don't see the practicality of these technologies, it's just that I have yet to enter a bathroom in which they were implemented properly. Take for instance the motion censored toilet, an excellent idea in theory, but in practice it results in gallons of water being shot into pooters daily. If somehow they were calibrated properly and didn't flush while you were on the toilet it would be a wonderful device.
       I know at this point some of you might be thinking, “this has never happened to me,” well if that is your case, consider yourself lucky, because when you least expect it the toilet will strike, leaving you with nothing but an uncomfortably wet asshole and low self esteem. Let's save ourselves the nitty gritty and move onward to the motion censored faucets.
       These little buggers typically always come on when I need them to, so no complaint there. My problem deals with the temperature settings on these faucets. I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say that most people would enjoy washing their hands with warm or luke warm water, but with these it seems that you either get: burn the skin off your hands hot, or shrivel your penis in a second cold. It's not like you have a choice either, There is no in between! Once again something that could be incredibly convenient ends up doing more harm then good.
       Finally we have the motion censored paper towel dispensers. The motions we make in front of these machines in order to retrieve a piece of paper towel are absolutely ridiculous. Countless times I have watched men breakdown into some awkward form of the chicken dance as they wave their hands and arms every which way in hopes of being rewarded a paper towel for their troubles. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't. It's great to watch others struggle with these, yet it leaves me feeling like a complete asshole when I attempt to get a paper towel. In closing, fuck you automatic bathrooms.


Andrew said...

Consider yourself lucky to have the "burn your skin off" option. Even when there's a faucet that ostensibly controls the hot water, there is not actually a pipe leading to any kind of subterranean vat of it.

As for paper towels...the new love of my life are the automatic hand dryers in Dusseldorf. Now, automatic hand dryers never work and make you feel all moist and disgusting. You stick your hands INTO this bad boy and it has two jets of amazingly powerful air swishing around your skin. Five seconds in that boy gets you as dry as 10 minutes with a typical hand dryer. Ten seconds and you're done.

Snooze said...

I've used those in Frankfurt i believe! They are incredible!